The Epiphany – Reality TV Style

Bob and Steve, here. We’ve been reflecting on the Epiphany.

We got to thinking, what if the three Wise Men showed up today? Well, first they’d have to get past the TSA and that would be no small feat.

TSA: “What’s this?”
Melchior: “Frankincense”
TSA: “Riiiiiight…..”

Assuming Caspar and Balthazar are able to spread around some of that gold to spring Melchior, they’d then head to the place of power to get their bearings. Instead of Herod’s tent, it would be off to the swamp.

Swamp: “Who are you?”
Melchior: “Wise Men in search of the savior.”
Swamp: “Obama split town and is bringing hope and change to tropical golf courses.  You could try Hillary, we thought she was the next savior”
Melchior: “Next savior? There’s only supposed to be one.”
Swamp: “Oh no, we have lots of saviors. We keep inventing a new crisis for each election cycle. It’s great for business.”
Melchior: “Have you been getting into the frankincense?”
Swamp: “Franken what? Oh – no, we’ve moved on from Al Franken. Just go to Chappaqua, New York. The roads are busy during the holidays, you should get an EZPass so you don’t get stuck in the cash-only lanes”

Off the Wise Men go to the nearest department of motor vehicles. They park the camels outside and enter a world that was to them strange and terrible to behold, and left them longing for the tents of Herod.

DMV: “So you’re here for EZPass?”
WM: “That’s what we were told.”
DMV: “OK. Will that be cash or credit?”
WM: “How’s that?”
DMV: “How are you going to pay for it?”
WM: “Oh. With gold.”
DMV: “Riiiiight. Well, first we’ll need basic information. What’s the year, make and model of your vehicles?”
WM: “Let’s see, they’re about three year old, dromedary.”
DMV: “So, 2015. You said ‘Dromedary’? Not familiar with that.”
WM: “It’s the single hump model.”
DMV: “Hunh?”
WM: “You know – one hump or two? They can’t go as long in the desert but have a better temperament.”
DMV: “You mean Camels? You want an EZPass for a Camel?”
WM: “Of course. Is there a problem with that?”
DMV: “You bet there is. You can’t just operate them on the highway. Have they even been through emissions testing?”
WM: “What’s that?”
DMV: “You know – measuring how much pollutant is in their exhaust.”
WM: “Ahhh. We see you are a man who knows a thing or two about camels.”

Once the Wise Men sort out emissions and EZPass they point their camels north to Chappaqua where they are greeted by the Secret Service outside of the Clinton’s home.

WM: “We are Melchior, Caspar and Balthazar. We’ve come from faraway lands to see the Clintons.”
SS: “Well, Mr. Clinton isn’t here. He typically stays at the Clinton presidential library, in the romance section.”
WM: “That’s OK. We’re told it’s Mrs. Clinton that we need to see.”
SS: “She prefers to be called Madame President.”
WM: “Strange name.”
SS: “Not compared to Melchior. Wait here.”

Soon they’re brought in to meet Hillary.

HC: “Who exactly are you?”
WM: “We’re Wise Men, in search of the savior of man.”
HC: “Hold on. So you’re Wise Men. I could have used you a year ago.”
WM: “We came as quickly as we could. It took a very long time getting through your DMV.”
HC: “Tell me Wise Men, can you make me president?”
WM: “We can’t make you anything. We came because we were told you might be the ‘new‘ savior to replace Obama?”
HC: “Don’t get me started. Wait! Are you from Russia?”

With that, Hillary’s head began rotating slowly and steam began pouring out of her ears. The Wise Men took a tip from the Secret Service and headed to Vermont to meet a man they called “Sanders.” Melchior was ready for lunch and excited about meeting Colonel Sanders.

BS: “Who are you?”
WM: “We’re Wise Men, in search of the savior of man. Are you him?”
BS: “I could be your savior. I will give people free college, free health care and guaranteed jobs and retirement”
WM: “But can you give salvation?”
BS: “You give me both houses of congress and I’ll deliver the whole enchilada.”
WM: “Congress? Never heard of it. Well, by what authority will do you all of this?”
BS: “You want authority? Try this – University of Chicago, the socialist party, teachers unions, New York Times, MSNBC. Want me to go on?”
WM: “Are they prophets of the one true God?”
BS: “There’s no one truth and don’t get me started about god. I don’t think you’re understanding me.  I’ll show you.  You give me 90% of that gold of yours and I’ll turn it into programs.”

The Wise Men were keen to the scam and hopped on their camels. The cold winter weather was taking its toll on the Dromedaries so they headed south, following the bright star in the daytime sky. They eventually end up in Florida, making their way to the Governor.

WM: “We have travelled many miles for many moons seeking the savior.”
Governor: “Savior? That would be AARP. It’s made our state into God’s waiting room.”
WM: “God’s waiting room? What is this AARP – is this the savior?”
Governor: “They give out these wonderful little cards – 5% off any purchase.”
WM: “No, not saver, we said savior! We’re looking for the savior.”
Governor: “Perhaps you should try Donald Trump – one of our best known residents.”

The Wise Men continued south to the mystical sounding Mira Lago. As they go closer they saw a crowd of people entering a gleaming palace and they approached the sentries at the gate who took them to meet a man with bronze skin and gleaming hair.

DT: “You’re delighted to meet me.”
WM: “???”
DT: “I understand you’re looking for the savior, and now you’ve found him. I’m the savior. Big Savior! Uge!”
WM: “You will bring salvation?”
DT: “We’re going to work so hard to bring you beautiful salvation. Really beautiful. Like nothing you’ve ever seen. It will be like visiting one of my resorts.”
WM: “But will you open the gates of heaven to all men?”
DT: “You bet. For any legal citizen. And I won’t stop there. We’re going to make heaven great again.”
WM: “???”
DT: “And I’m not going to even stop there. We’re going to build a beautiful elevator. It will be uge.”
WM: “???”
DT: “Reeeally, reeeally, uge. Solid gold. We’ll make the devil pay for it.”

With that, the Wise Men realized they had been misled yet again. The moral of the story: Don’t go looking for a savior in political figures. Our own epiphany about the Epiphany is that as all nations and peoples learned of and accepted Jesus as God, the Epiphany is anything but a one-time event. And we, today, need to continue to seek Jesus more than ever — and having found Him, we need to bring the gift of Jesus to those who haven’t encountered him yet.





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